I’m bookending my day with Toastmasters tomorrow.  I’m going to bed soon since I have to get up at 5:30 am to make their crazy 7:00 am start at Gibsons Morningstars Toastmasters.  It’s pajama day there so I won’t have to do much to get ready.

After my presentation there, Meg and I will book around town a bit, come home, do school, get ready properly and do it all again at 6:00 PM with MY club, Sunshine Toastmasters.  The things I do for love.

I was seriously swimming in nostalgia today, all those old journals were bringing up such memories.  Old friends that I had forgotten existed, songs I had forgotten I loved, stories I had forgotten that happened.

I downloaded a few old tunes today….I was missing dancing very much, not stripping, not all the bullshit that went along with that crappy job, but dancing.  It was one of the very few things I loved about my old job: the ability to express myself through dance.  The clubs were dark places- you reached for beauty where ever you could.

When I danced, no matter where I was, the staff used to stop and watch me.  The waitresses would put their trays down and light a smoke.  Fact:  I was transcendant in dance because I really used it to give my energy to the world.  I felt absolutely invisible, hurt, abused, pissed off and sometimes giddy.   In dance, I knew I could change the atmosphere.  I used my dance to give myself away, to expell all that negative, to express my fiercely guarded  hope.   Paradoxically, while the job chipped away at my soul, the dance kept me sane for 15 years when I had every reason to go the other way.  It was a source of joy and release.  Of relief.  I really missed just being in the dance so I wailed around to Tori Amos in my kitchen for an hour today.  I haven’t done that in a really long time.  It felt amazing.

Advertisements