The Big Speech is written.  For now.  I have 8 days till the club contest.  I know we will be making more adjustments as we see what it looks like on video.  Starting tomorrow that’s the next step.

Finding a rythym, moving on purpose, remembering what you were trying to SAY when you wrote the words, remembering how you  FELT when the story actually happened.  Conveying that.  Trying to just BE in that moment and give this gift to the audience in the most genuine way possible.  When it happens that way, it is magical.  It’s like a beautiful dance where everyone knows the steps.

BE-ing in that moment can be a challenge because re-living things over and over again while you rehearse can be exhausting.  And you don’t want to desensitize yourself to the truth so that you don’t feel it anymore.

This stage is where you see that some things weren’t as great as you might have thought they were on paper and that some things were better than you thought.  This is where it really starts to feel REAL.

God, I’m scared right now.  Excited, but scared.  I’m putting myself out there like I never have before.  And I’ve been doing THIS whole thing too.  I hope I don’t make a complete fool of myself.  But wait, that reminds me of an old post of mine- something about me being willing to make a fool of myself to reach for that goal of World Champion.  About being willing to be the Biggest Fool In The World, if I recall correctly.

super foolWow, that seems like a hundred years ago.  How can I have changed and not changed as much as I have and haven’t in those short 6 months?

Today’s Scripture?  One that God loves to give me repeatedly:  He who exalts himself with be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted.    Well, I guess we’ll see what happens, eh?


What an amazing life session with Micaela Pennell today.  I’m wiped out but I feel calm and happy.  I’m ready to move on.

I wrote this over 10 years ago when I hoped even in darkness.  I live and move in the light now and see that it is not only possible but probable.  I thank God for my life!

In the fairy tale, Rapunzel  heals the prince’s blindness with her own tears.  In that same spirit, I shall pour out my own waters of love on land, as ACTION in the WORLD, back into the water to ripple the unconscious.  This speaks of HOPE OPTIMISM AND BRIGHT PROSPECTS.  I hope to  bring calm and confidence in the future, in other words, RELEASE and NEW LIFE  so others can free themselves too.

I’ve always loved archetypes.  This one has resonated soundly with me.

I promise to share my love, hope, talents, truth, belief.  Giving back in order to receive, in order to give some more.  I am becoming more me.  I am finding the authentic me and I am thrilled about walking into her.  It is such an incredible puzzle and to watch the pieces come together is absolutely fascinating!!!

It is all so much bigger than me.


Dreams are great.  They are fluffy clouds of wonderful that pump us full of endorphins.  They are worth living for.  And dreams only come true when you do the hard work.  I am ready to bring it.

It is imperative that I keep to my schedule of 11:30 bedtime, 15 minutes of prayer in the morning and getting off the profanity trail.

Profanity Trail




I also need to work more exercise in there.  How’s about I dance with my daughter for 15 minutes at lunch every day?  Gotta start somewhere.

I pledge to spend a minimum of an hour a night on my speech and have it written by Feb. 27.  Then I will send it to World Champions Edge to have it critiqued and sent back in time to make changes and still have 7 days to practice it.

I also like fellow Toastmaster Vivien Ip’s idea of having the speech evaluated BEFORE the contest and making changes.  I pledge to do that also.  I am lucky enough to be only 2 hours away from a club in another area so I will go to them as I have for the past year and a half now.  They have been very very good to and for me.

I also pledge to check Facebook only twice a day.  Once in the morning and once at night for no more than 10 minutes each.  Geez, what’ll be left over for Lent?

I enjoyed working on my speech tonight.  I have a vision for it although the 2nd half is very fuzzy right now.  Real work and real time will help.  So will prayer and humility.  And remembering what the POINT is.

And I have to tell you- I can’t freakin’ WAIT to start Avery Drilling again.


I assume a LOT that God knows I need about a ton of humility and is always ready to teach me a new lesson. But man, I need to get down on my FACE for this one because I wasn’t sure it was EVER gonna come.

The idea.

For The Big Speech.

It came.

It just showed up tonight.

It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.  It’s funny.  It’s fun.  It’s emotional.  It excites me.  It’s something that is very meaningful to me.  It is a truly worthy and universal message that others can relate to.

And get this:

I came up with my “What do you want the audience to do, think or feel when you are finished?” BEFORE I WROTE A WORD.


I am not that good.  This is what I call Divine Inspiration.  I am a character in a story and the pen being used to write it.

I am happy.  Oh GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s 11:20 p.m.  The burning question now is:  how the heck am I gonna get to sleep NOW??????!!!!!!!!!    LOL

I’m going through my old journals, starting at 17,  looking for stories, patterns, ideas, inspiration for The Big Speech.  I have found some lovely surprises.  I have reignited lost memories.  What a gift THAT is.  I have laughed a lot.  Mostly at me, not with me.

Lots of anger and melancholy.  Lots.

I am absolutely exhausted from reading this melodramatic girl in her late 20’s.  What a freakin’ MESS she was.  I knew I was angry but I think I was very close to insane, no hyperbole, that’s how it reads and that’s how I acted.  Like a freakin’ nutcase.  Irrational, unfair, very judgemental.  And drunk.  Great combo.  Got a real winner there!

There was not a lot of humility or clarity going on though desperatly needed and deserved.  It’s amazing I didn’t get my ass kicked a dozen times over.  I’m grateful I made it out alive.

I tell ya, part of me wants to keep these notes for a future book and part of me wants to have a big ol’ bonfire. 

It’s not all ugly, she had an inkling of a clue, she cared deeply about people.  It was a battle though.  A big long ugly battle.  When you deliberately put yourself in the most adverse places and situations, shout out “Fire!” and then expect miracles to happen, you’re bound to get beat up at least a little.

But the worst….. is that ugly ego.   And yes, it is UGLY.  That is the hardest for me to read.  How clever and brilliant she thought she was, how much more enlightened (God I hate that word- there is so much condescension fraught in it) she thought she was than everyone else.   What a freakin’ idiot.  I am scrapin’ the bottom of the barrell here for scraps of wisdom.

I’m about half way through.  I think I’m through the worst of it, thank God.  Not sure I could stand much more.  At least I know it gets better because I know how it ends.

Right here.  And now.

At the Toastmasters conference in bed, very tired; getting up in 7 hours!!!!   Good to see folks, GREAT energy, lots of love.  Good c0nversations, just not enough of them yet.  How to speak to EVERYONE in the next 36 hours?  How to have meaningful conversations in a limited amount of time?

Lots of people asking me if I’m competing.  As I tell them no, I feel a bit embarrassed, a bit remorseful.  I wish.

A few people asking me if I’ll give the speech anyway.  This…. this is lovely.  This is pretty damned cool.   So we’ll eke out 7 minutes somewhere tomorrow and I will give JAWS The Speech.

Had a pretty amazing day really.  I had my Opus Dei spiritual circle today before I caught the ferry.  So cool that I was able to fit it in.  Our focus was mercy and compassion.  Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.  I’d better ramp it up or I’m in big trouble.  I wish I could bring my spiritual director home with me to remind me every 3 minutes about how I want to behave.  lol

Drove a friend to the city and we discovered just how much we have in common.  It’s becoming clear that there is a purpose here and it is exciting to explore it.

I ducked out of the keynote halfway through and SKYPED my baby girl tonight and read a chapter of The Fairy Realm to her.  I was so glad to do it.  It made her SO happy and it made ME so happy to make her so happy.  I love being a good mum.  I should really try it more often.  lol

I should also mention my cravings for alcohol that always come at social settings like these.  I always have some physical pangs, some longing for wine when I see others consuming.  I’m dealing.  It’s cool.  Just breathe.  As my husband likes to say “We have, unfortunately, abused this privilege.”  As I like to say “I used up all my tickets already and I can’t ride this ride anymore.”

Lots to say, no time to say it. I need to go to sleep or I’ll be sorry.   Need time to reflect too and that is what I will do when I get home.  Thanks for your time friends!  Party on dudes!!!!!


What a spectacular night at Toastmasters.  We had 2 Area Governors and a Division Governor (although the D.G. is in our home club so that wasn’t too tough to do) in attendance and 3 guests.  2 new signups.  Very exciting.  Both of our speakers coincidentally (not that I believe in coincidence- I think it is all brilliantly orchestrated)talked about what TM had done for them so far and it was like an awesome Toastmasters commercial.  It couldn’t have been more timely.

I got a note from someone important today telling me that they thought I could be the District Champ.  It’s up on my wall along with 2o stickies ad various other inspiring things.  It’s so unreal to hear things like this when I think about it too much.  I like the sound of it.

I Avery Drilled The Speech today at the gym while I was on the elliptical.  I did it three times.   The place was full of teenaged boys.  Can you say “idiot”?  I’m sure they did , over and over after I left!!!!!

Going to my Opus Dei circle on Friday and they will be my last audience before the Area contest on Saturday.  I am ready.  I am excited.  I can’t wait.

English: Cross of Opus Dei - based primarily o...